Momentum Podcast: 282

Get Your Ego Out Of The Way

by Alex Charfen

Episode Description

How do you scale when you have the question “How can I scale when the only reason people buy is me?” There is a reason why this type of thinking limits your ability to grow. 

When someone buys from you, it's most likely for the outcome. Do you think Richard Branson ask's himself the same question? Elevate what you're doing on a daily basis.

Full Audio Transcript

I'm Alex Charfen, and this is the Momentum Podcast, made for empire builders, game changers, trailblazers, shot takers, record breakers, world makers, and creators of all kinds. Those among us who can't turn it off and don't know why anyone would want to. We challenge complacency, destroy apathy, and we are obsessed with creating momentum, so we can roll over bureaucracy and make our greatest contribution. Sure, we pay attention to their rules, but only so that we can bend them, break them, then rewrite them around our own will. We don't accept our destiny; we define it. We don't understand defeat because you only lose if you stop, and we don't know how. While the rest of the world strives for average and clings desperately to the status quo, we are the minority, the few who are willing to hallucinate there could be a better future. And instead of just daydreaming of what could be, we endure the vulnerability and exposure it takes to make it real. We are the evolutionary hunters, clearly the most important people in the world because entrepreneurs are the only source of consistent positive human evolution, and we always will be.

Get your ego out of the way. I'm responding specifically today to a question that I got on Facebook, but this is a question or a thought or sometimes a conviction that entrepreneurs share with me or ask me about in all different kinds of ways. Let me read you this question from a woman named [Olivia 00:01:25] who posted on the post where I asked about podcast topics. And my post says, "What topics would you like me to do a podcast on?" And she says, "Scaling when the reason people purchase from you now is you, also known as your energy, your essence, who you are."

I get this question all the time from entrepreneurs in different ways. From people like attorneys and accountants and professionals, doctors who say, "Well, the only reason my patients, my clients, the companies I work with come to me is me." I get this all the time from coaches and from consultants and from people who help move people forward. They say, "The only reason people come to me right now is because of me. They want to work with me. They want to see me." And I also get this all the time from speakers and experts who say, "The only way that I make an effect is when it's me. How do you scale that?"

Well, I want you to know something. In so many ways, all of those statements are wrapped up tightly around one thing — your ego. And I don't mean that in a accusatory or in a defamatory way. It is truly a huge part of what makes us entrepreneurs. And the fact is that your ego when you're asking these questions is having trouble transitioning from the place of you doing everything and getting all of the attention and all of the credit to you transitioning to a place where you don't get all the attention and credit anymore. In fact, it's not all about you.

And so when I hear somebody say, "The reason people are buying from me is my energy, my essence, and who I am," I would say, "You're wrong." The reason people are buying from you is they want a result. The reason people are buying from anyone is they want an outcome in their lives. If people are buying from you just because they want to be close to you, they want to be close to you because they think that closeness, that proximity will get them something in their lives. Rarely does somebody want to pay money, be part of a program, do something just to be close to you. So let's talk about how you get your ego out of the way once and for all, so you don't get stuck like so many entrepreneurs thinking that the only way things move forward is if you do it all yourself because that is a dead end brick wall that we go screaming into. And here's the problem with thinking that way.

If you're starting to make an effect, if you're starting to build a following, if you're starting to get good clients who you are actually getting results for, and you keep thinking this way, here's what will happen. Not what might happen; here's what will happen. The better you do and the more clients you get and the more people you're given the opportunity to interact with and to have an effect on, the more people you will eventually let down. Ouch. I want that to sink in for a second. See, if you're one of those people who gets caught up in this belief system that you're the only one that can do any part of your business, then you are committing to the fact that you will eventually let your clients down. I mean, let's be real.

Let's talk about somebody who people do business with because of their energy, their essence, who they are, like Richard Branson. Do you think that Richard Branson has the thought of, "Oh, how do I scale this because people really want me involved? People really want to be involved with me. They want to see my involvement. They want to talk to me." Absolutely not. Branson thinks, "How fast can I take this idea from concept to reality by putting the right people in place to help me scale it as fast as humanly possible?"

And so let me give you some tactics, some real ways to look at this so that you can move forward, and you can stop thinking this way because I want you to know something. You're not the only entrepreneur who feels this, Olivia. And if you've thought this in any way in your business like, "How can I possibly scale because it's really about me?" Well, let me give you some reality.

First, sit down. And I want you to make a list of everything you do every day for a week. Start writing out what it is you do. Make an exhaustive list. It's going to be big. It's going to be long. It's going to be a little bit overwhelming, and it should be because here's what you're going to see at the end of one week. You're going to look at that list, and you're going to realize, sometimes in very dramatic fashion, that probably 60 to 80% of what you're doing is tactical and somebody else could do it.

So right there, even if you're in a business where people still want direct access to you like coaching or an expert or a speaker, when you look at what you're doing on a weekly basis and if it's tactical, you can buy back 60 to 80% of your time right away. You don't even have to start thinking about how do you actually offload the things that you're doing that people really want contact with. We'll talk about that in a second, but immediately if you're in this transition, the first step is to look at everything you're doing, identify what's tactical, and start offloading it yesterday, as fast as you can. Elevate what you're doing on a daily basis. Move from tactical to strategic. The more time you spend in strategic, the more of an impact you're going to have, the faster your company will grow, the more of the right clients you'll attract, and you will see yourself start scaling and growing. So that's first.

Secondly, you have to start looking at the effect you're creating, not the time you're spending. One of the biggest traps for entrepreneurs is to look at the time we spend with people and value that time. When you separate yourself from the time you spend, and you start looking at the effect you create, everything changes.

Let me give you an example. When Cadey and I started the CDPE designation in 2008, I had to go out and teach it every single time by myself. It was two days in front of the room, and I was the only person who knew the information. Well, we scaled the business by recording that two days and putting it online as an online class. That got me out of the tactical of speaking, and it allowed us to scale. That wasn't enough, so then we started training speakers. I was the only person who could teach, but then we started training speakers, and we had other speakers who could teach. Then we scaled through other speakers. Then we scaled our platform. Then we scaled our partnerships. And we got to the point where we were training 10 or 15,000 people a year. There was no way I could do that all by myself.

So by elevating what I was doing by looking at what was tactical, by involving other people, and by making sure that we allowed it to grow, our online designation exploded. It became the fastest-growing designation in real estate history. Why? Because I don't look at anything as only me being able to do it. I'm the spokesperson for our company, and so I'm the person who does most of that, but even then I share that position with the people who are helping me with marketing, with getting exposure, with putting ourselves out there. There is hardly anything I see as only me being able to do it. Maybe this podcast. Maybe being able to meet with my team, making strategic decisions.

But I elevate my activities as much as I can on a weekly basis aggressively because here's what I know as an entrepreneur. The more I elevate my activities, the more my company will grow. The more I get stuck in thinking that it's me, my essence, my energy, come on. Don't think that you are that important. Olivia, I don't mean to talk down to you, and you're being made the example of, and I apologize for that because every entrepreneur has felt this way. But the fact is, let's be honest, you're that special, and neither am I. That's reality.

I'm the main coach and consultant for my company, and I've put in two decades of learning our materials. But today, Justin Light on my team can have every bit as a positive an effect on people when he gets on the phone call. And I'll tell you, sometimes we're on a call together, and he says something I'm impressed with. So I never will allow my ego to tell me I'm the only person who can do something. And if when you look at what you're doing in your business when you do this strategic versus tactical, you're going to be blown away at how much you're doing that you don't really need to do.

And now here's the third thing to do. First, look at strategic versus tactical. Second, elevate everything you're doing as much as you possibly can so you can grow. Don't look at anything as being exclusively you. And then third, get your ego out of the way. Any time you find yourself thinking, "I'm the only person who can do this," you have to immediately resolve to get somebody else in your business to be able to do it. Every time you find yourself thinking, "This really has to be me," you have to immediately resolve to build a process, a structure where it's no longer just you.

And every time you think, "This step, this process, this meeting, this whatever it is has to be me," you have to make sure that you have backup because every time you think, "This has to be me," that is the most limiting thought you can have in your business because we can't scale you. There's only one of you. We can improve how you spend your time. We can improve the output of what you do. We can raise the efficiency, the effectiveness of what you do. But we can't scale more of you. So the more you have this decision making that says, "It has to be me," the more you are literally holding yourself back. You can't see it because you don't have the perspective if you're thinking this way, but take it from someone who's consulted with hundreds of entrepreneurs. When I hear that type of thinking, I know there is a brick wall in place to growth.

Because here's the reality, and let's just leave this reality open. Growth is scary. Growth is intimidating. Scaling a company is scary and intimidating. It takes us to where we don't know what we're doing. It takes us to points of insecurity and ambiguity. It makes us feel like we don't really have a clear foundation. When we grow, growth creates complexity, and that in and of itself can be intimidating.

So in a lot of ways, when you say, "I can't scale because it's me, my energy, my essence," what you're saying is, "I want to protect myself from scaling. I'm scared of scaling. I don't know how to scale because right now it's just me, and I don't know how to put the team around me in order to make this grow." That's what I hear when I hear from an entrepreneur that they can't scale because it's all about them. I hear, "I'm intimidated to grow because I can't see the clear way that I transition from doing it all myself to getting help." And that is reasonable. That actually makes sense. That actually is a protective way of thinking as an entrepreneur.

So if that's what's going on, here's what I want you to know. Any business in the world, it doesn't matter who you are or what you do, can scale by getting the right help and the right support in place. When you look at somebody who's a professional speaker ... Well, let's look at Taylor Swift. Right now, she is the equivalent of a professional speaker. All she does is sing. She writes music, and she sings. But look at how much leverage she has. I guarantee you that on concert day, the one thing she's doing is walking out on stage and performing. The amount of leverage she has around her is overwhelming. So yes, Taylor Swift is the only person who can sing on stage, but look at the hundreds, perhaps thousands of people around her making her multi-million-dollar, record-breaking concert tour successful this year. She has massive scale.

So whenever a coach tells me, "I can't hire anyone to help because I'm doing it all myself because I'm the only one who can do I," I hear excuse after excuse after excuse and protection of our egos. And if that feels a little bit like a slap upside the head, that's okay because I want to shake you. I want to rile you up. I want you to be awakened to the fact that the more you feel like you are the only person who can do something, the more you are absolutely limiting the contribution you will make and damaging the clients that you could possibly be helping. Because none of us makes our greatest contribution alone.

The myth throughout history of the successful entrepreneur that did it all themselves is such BS. It's not real. The reality is, is that throughout history, entrepreneurs that made a massive impact in the world had teams, had partners, had people around them that helped them, had support systems, had structures and people who made what they did possible. Single entrepreneurial successes, that's just the story that is told, not the reality that is actually there. The reality is, is that every wildly successful entrepreneur built a team, had support, made things happen through others, and was able to get the leverage they needed so they could go out and make a massive change in the world. And you can, too.

So when you start thinking that you're the only person who can do it, I have a question I want you to ask yourself: "Is this my ego getting in the way of my contribution? Is this my ego slowing down the effect that I can have in the world and the effect that I am driven to make in the world? Is this my ego protecting me from the unknown, the ambiguous, and the next big thing that I really should be doing?" Because if it is, then you want to be clear and real with yourself and do everything you can to get your ego out of the way.

If you're ready to start scaling your business and understand the strategies and tactics to put a team around you faster than you ever thought possible in a way that makes you feel protected and comfortable and safe, then join me on my team building webinar. It's going to happen in about a week and a half, but we're announcing it early because I want as many people there as possible. Go to I'm going to do a full, no-pitch webinar where I explain how you can build a world-class team without having to manage people. Are you a terrible manager? Good. Me, too. So don't let that hold you back.

See, I want you to step into leadership, get out of management, grow the structure around you, and make your biggest contribution because here's what I know about you if you're listening to my podcast. Until you do, until you go out and start making the impact in the world that you know you want to, you will not be satisfied. You will feel that restless agitation that every one of us does when we're not making our greatest contribution. That feeling that we should be doing more, driving more, seeing more, making more happen, being more, and creating bigger outcomes in the world, I know that feeling, and I want to help you knock right through it.

So go to, join me on my webinar, and let me show you how to scale, get out of your own way, build a world-class team, make a massive impact, and create the contribution that you've always known you were meant to make.

Thank You For Listening!

I am truly grateful that you have chosen to spend your time listening to me and my podcast.

Please feel free to reach out if you have a question or feedback via our Contact Us page.

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With gratitude,


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