Momentum Podcast: 720

Stop Striving For Balance

by Alex Charfen

Episode Description

Finding the right balance between growing and scaling your business and being present and focused with your family can be challenging for entrepreneurs.

Alex Charfen, a business growth coach who helps entrepreneurs grow and scale their businesses, gives practical, tangible, and actionable tips that you can implement into your business right now.

This interaction comes directly from a coaching call with a member using the Momentum Planner System. In this interaction, she expresses that her biggest challenge is prioritizing her business over her family and how incongruent that feels.

By the end of this 22-minute podcast episode, you will understand:

– How to get over the guilt of balancing your family and your business.

– How to create clarity in your priorities so that you can understand where you should focus your time to create maximum momentum.

– What to offload as a business owner so that you can grow a massive business without sacrificing yourself or your family along the way.

The Momentum Podcast is created specifically for entrepreneurs like you to get into momentum and take the rest of the world with you. If this episode helped you do that, take a moment and leave a review. Let us know how we have helped you make a bigger impact on the world.

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Full Audio Transcript

This is the Momentum podcast.

We hear from so many entrepreneurs that they want to create balance between growing and scaling their business and being present and focused with their family. This is a challenging position for entrepreneurs because it can feel like putting focus and effort and emphasis on growing and scaling your business means that you're not prioritizing the most important people in your life. This episode of the Momentum podcast is taken directly from one of our coaching calls, specifically members working with our momentum planner system. Through this interaction, Alex is going to help you understand how to get over the guilt of balancing your family and your business. He's going to show you how to create clarity in your priorities so that you can understand where you should focus your time to create the maximum amount of momentum and also where to offload things as a business owner so that you can grow a massive business without sacrificing yourself or your family along the way.

I'm Alex Charfen, and this is the momentum podcast made for empire builders, game changers, trailblazers, shot takers, record breakers, world makers and creators of all kinds, those among us who can't turn it off and don't know why anyone would want to. We challenge complacency, destroy apathy, and we are obsessed with creating momentum so we can roll over bureaucracy and make our greatest contribution. Sure, we pay attention to their rules, but only so that we can bend them, break them, then rewrite them around our own will. We don't accept our destiny. We define it. We don't understand defeat because you only lose if you stop. And we don't know how. While the rest of the world strives for average and clings desperately to the status quo, we are the minority, the few who are willing to hallucinate. There could be a better future. And instead of just daydreaming of what could be, we endure the vulnerability and exposure it takes to make it real. We are the evolutionary hunters, clearly the most important people in the world, because entrepreneurs are the only source of consistent, positive human evolution and we always will be.

I kind of hopped on late, but I think my frustration is I'm going to be honest with you. The book has the plan. It has really helped me because before, like how you were talking, how we have to do this right. But becomes a to die list. And now I wake up with an attention because I think that's where I work from. Like, it doesn't serve me a purpose. It's like, why am I doing this? I think my frustration is like that. I'm always struggling with this because I feel like I feel like sometimes like I show up with intentions into my business, but then I feel like I kind of go and do these things for my family and cook and clean. And by the time I get to my business and all these intentions I had, I like lost momentum, you know, and I'm trying to find a shift of how do I put these things that are like these are the things that were not not that it's not beneficial to my business, but it's really helping me grow my business. So it's kind of like I feel like I do all the housework stuff and plan on that. And then by the time I get to my business, it's like I'm overwhelmed. And now, even though even though I have intentions, even though I know I need to do my business, I feel like I just don't have the energy to go.

That that makes sense, I've got a question for you. Are you using the planning system for both your personal stuff and the business?

Yes. So because because which has really helped me where you would say, you know, one of the intentions of like me, I like personal relationships, so I kind of go through them, but I don't do a huge list because, you know, I'm trying to be like simple like 50 minute walks. You know, I'm trying to do that. But I think it's just like. Is it OK to flip it around, like do members and stuff first and then put my personal relationship like, you know, I don't know how to kind of have that balance?

Yeah, balance is so hard. You know, I don't I don't like balance. I don't like the word balance. And I don't. And honestly, I am very hesitant with any of my clients using balance. But I but I don't want women to use the word balance because what does it feel like for you right now trying to balance these two things?

Well, it's like I know this thing is like 50 50 balance, I know that doesn't exist, but I think balance for me is making sure my kids are taken care of and everything. But I think right now I just feel like. In order for my business to grow, I need to kind of put my business a priority over my family just right now. And I know that things are temporary. I always say to myself, this is not a long term, but my business will always be in front of my kids. This is just a temporary thing in the road. When he just did you do it so I can elevate to the next level and then create the structure and hire the right people. So I'm not always neglecting my kids, but I think because I step away so much into my life, I feel like if I step away too much into a business, I feel like I'm going to neglect my kids.

How much of your headspace is this taking up?

A lot, yeah, I think because I guess I don't want because, like, we homeschool our kids, too, and I guess I don't want my kids to feel like all they see is mom just on her business, you know, doing things for her business. So I think it's just I don't thing, too. But I know that everything I'm doing is with intention. I know that. I'm doing this with a purpose, and I know that it is a temporary thing, but it takes up a lot of my headspace, like, am I doing enough for my kids without sacrificing my business? Yeah.

So here's why I asked how much of your Headspaces this taking up is because I worked with a lot of entrepreneurs who are moms and about half of our membership, the owners of the businesses are women and a lot that's why I followed you. I started looking like, OK, because I was like working with other mentors before. And I'm like when I tell them I struggle to be a mom, that was they just do this and it's like, no, I can't just do that. And I went to read your testimonials and I'm like, a lot of these are moms. I think he kind of gets and you talk about your daughter and your wife in the balance. And and I think that's what has attracted me to you because I'm like I need someone to really understand what it's like to balance a healthy relationship, the family and of course, when a successful business. But had that, of course, no one has it perfectly. But so understand where I'm coming from.

Yeah. And so first, I want you to know something. All of this feelings that you're having, all of these feelings Travis their chemical and their real. Moms actually, like mom, Jill is the realest thing on the planet, and guys, we don't feel it in the same chemical way, we have some of it, but it's nothing like what you what a woman experiences. And this is like scientific backed up with the chemicals that women experience when their children are in distress are much different than men. And the the guilt, the anxiety, the frustration you feel all of those things are real. So I want to validate them for you. And I want you to know that that's that is that's something that not only is it real, I'm really like I'm I'm impressed with the fact that you're bringing it up on a call like this because a lot of men won't talk about it and a lot of women kind of stuff it down and pretend like it's not there and then it just gets even worse. And so my recommendation in a case like this is to get really clear on what you have to do for your kids and family and what can be done in a different way and then what you want for your business and and put it all together in your momentum planner. If you have you been through the forward planning system yet?

I know I did. And that's why when you were when you were talking about it, I need to go through that because I know that asking deep questions, I need to kind of. Go through it, really ask me those questions.

Yeah, and here's what will happen through that system. So the forward planning system first helps you identify where noise is coming from and then it helps you build into a plan getting away from that noise and getting to what you really want. And it sounds like this is going to be ideal for you and also in the next week, I think in the next few days. So all of you understand we're actually adding to the momentum plan right in the next few days, right, Diana? So we're adding to the momentum plan. Of course, whenever we put out, of course, we put out like a draft and then we're like, what else can we do? How do we make this better? How do we give people more of an effect? So there's two things I think you should Yusheng. First is go through the forward planning system and go through the personal congruency section because it's going to help you get clear about what you want. And what I'm hearing right now is you have competing priorities, but you're really unclear on both. Like, let's get clear on what you want out of both. And then the second thing, and I think this is going to be a big deal for you is we're putting all of our time study content in for the momentum planner. And the reason we're doing that is we believe this planning system will take somebody from zero to multilabel, six figure business. And if you have this plan, this time, study content. And here's what the time study content is for all of you. Page, you might want to look at this, too.

In fact, I recommend everyone does a time study once a quarter. In fact, as I say that I have not done one this quarter, so I need to do that. I think we should do it as a leadership team. Again, DNA every quarter I'd carry around paper and for every 15 minutes of the day I write down what I'm doing. It sounds excruciating and it is not my favorite thing to do. I honestly, I avoid time studies, even though we train them, even though we tell people about them. I'm like like I'm not usually coming up with the idea to do it, but every time I do it by the third day, I'm like, gosh, I need to do this more often. Because what happens is when you're writing down what you're doing every 15 minutes, you start seeing opportunities. Let me share one with you. So Cadey my wife, we run our business together and we also have two daughters. And for a long time we were having a hard time figuring out food of all things like how do we get healthy food? And ah, and she was having a really hard time with it. And so I suggested a time study. So getting I did a time study at the same time. And here's what we found out in Time study. She was spending twenty four hours a week on food. That's more than a half time job with going to the grocery store, with getting the food, with cooking the food, it was more than twenty four hours a week. And so we sat down and talked about it and we added a few meal delivery services. We figured out a way to get food done faster. The kids could care less. They actually loved the meal delivery services. And so we replaced about 20 of those 24 hours with getting help. And at one point we even had a private chef before covid. We had somebody come in and cook all of our meals for us. And at our income level, we had somebody ask, like, isn't it crazy expensive to have a private chef? We had a chef for about 10 hours a week for twenty dollars an hour. It was two hundred dollars a week and most of my wife's work was done. And so that was that was from going to time study looking for the opportunities and then figure out what you can do to to to get the time back that you need.

And I think that will help you like crazy, because here's what we realized when Cadey and I realized talking that sitting down and talking about it was what's really important is that we eat dinner with the kids. It's not that important that she goes in there and cooks the dinner, especially if we can get healthy food cooked for us and it's here ready to go. And I'm not suggesting that's going to be the same solution for you, but that was just one thing that came out of that. So I remember Cadey did another time study. We both did time studies. We realized how much we were spending on laundry. We have two kids like between the two of us. I would go in there and switch laundry over. She would go upstairs, watch laundry. It was like this huge thing. Then we had our cleaning service come an extra day on Thursday, do all the laundry, and then we're not doing it anymore. And so a lot of times by doing a time study, you can find opportunities so that you're not doing things you don't need to anymore. And it'll show you an inventory of your time.

Speaker 3 [00:11:59] Does that mean. I think so. I have never heard of this, but like that continuous quality improvement is because secure is where like have you heard of it?

Oh, I mean, iso nine thousand. Like, where do you want me to come from on this? I've been through so many ways like I try to use because I used to be trained in that. I use that in my life and my daily life. So that way it's like where can we cut time, where can we strategically do things to cut time? So for example, like we had now we have to deliver it because I don't want to go limit shopping like my kids. I make them wear the top like a shirt to go see that they're going to wake up the next day because they're in because the pants are in the drawer. So all they need is pick the pants. But I don't need to pick a shirt anymore. I don't need to go in there. So I'm always looking. I'm like, how can we improve the system even with laundry? Like, I'm always like, OK, what can do and always be Saturday? And I will buy enough clothes for them to have seven days of the week. And it's like it's too late, but it's like. Great, these are instructions. These are in place, but it's like I guess I just something that wait a second, I'm hearing something that I want to point out for you. So see or ISO Nine Thousand or Six Sigma or any of those systems. I was I was a counselor. I was I was going to say I was a consultant in corporate America, but I should have said counselor, because that's what I ended up doing a lot of the time. But I was I was a consultant in organizations that used all these types of systems. And here's what I found. With engineers or people who really understand the system well, is that we apply, Sikhi, to the base level of activities, not to the higher level. And here's what I mean by that. What I'm hearing is a lot of in the moment tactics. It's like I'm doing this to do this and this, to do this and this to do this. But I'm not hearing higher level data. And in any continuous quality improvement program, you make micro decisions to change the process. But then you look at the macro data to understand if it's working. And I would suggest to you you're missing macro data right now.

I probably am, because I feel like I don't have the capacity to. That's all I'm saying. That's what my biggest drug was like, I, I think I need to go through this like the nerve for the person to really get clarity. But that's like my biggest struggle. It's like I'm burning a lot of energy over here and I'm trying to condense it so I don't put so much energy over here so I could really grow the thing that I want to grow. It's like because I know that if I put time into my business, it's not like my fame is going to fall in like crash and burn. It's just that I just have this strong bond guild like. Oh, my gosh. I'm stepping away and they're going to feel neglected, X, Y and Z, and that's where my struggle is. So it's like I'm trying to learn of like. I think I Justin they need to do what you said, like, what is it? What is that one of my personal and what is it that I want out of my business and prioritize that? And if those are met, then just move on.

Well, and I think you should still consider doing the time study. And here's why I want to see data. I want you to see data. I want you to understand if things are improving, because here's how we do a time study. We carry around paper for two weeks. We write down everything that we're doing at the end of two weeks. We answer a question, is this strategic or tactical like doing the laundry, tactical, cooking food, tactical, driving the car, tactical? Those are things somebody else could potentially do in a business answering emails. That's tactical for a lot of people right now. It might be strategic if you have a smaller business, but once you start growing the business, it becomes tactical. So when you look at strategic versus tactical, we then have data, we can say for this two week period, this is how much you spend on strategic, this is how much you spend on tactical. It can come back 90 days later and say, let's look at it again. And so what happens is when you look at like a and I love how you think, are you an engineer?

Know this. This is how I've always functioned.

OK, so you're just an engineer by birth, not by school.

Yeah, this is how I was. That's why I kind of gravitated towards you, because you were creating systems, you had data and you had this. I was like, OK, any system, any data and what's working, let's test it in two weeks, OK? If it's not working, let's move on. OK, what is working? What can we keep? What can we improve? Because I just I don't know. That's just how I've always functioned.

So here's the new data I want you to have. There's two places where I feel like you need additional data above where you are right now. The first one is the time study so that you can see where you're spending your time. And that's going to give you perspective where right now there's a lot of noise and confusion. And then the second place where I think you need data is on setting outcomes. If you go through the process in our program, like what I was talking about with Nicam page and you create your own personal waterfall and you create the outcomes that you're aim towards, what will happen is after thirty days, you're going to see how much of this data achieve. Did I get forty percent of it done or eighty percent of it done. And then in another thirty days you sit down, you go through the process again and then you'll be able to see how much you've achieved. Because here's what I'm hearing. You have a lot of micro data, you have a lot of process data. Like if I make my case where where they sure they're going to wear to school, it's a lot faster. They just have to find pants. That's that's amazing. I mean, I think that's an awesome idea. I don't think I could sell it to my kids. But I want you to have higher level data, like here are all the things that I committed to doing for the month, not in the moment, in the minute, but for the month. And this is what I was able to achieve. Now, what can I do in the next month? I feel like there's a different level of perspective, OK, because there's a lot of focus on the process. Let's elevate above the process to intention and outcome.

OK, totally makes sense. Thank you so much. Yeah, just like that. Just pushed me to another level. Thank you.

Thank you. Oh it's my pleasure. I'm so glad you're here and I'm glad you asked that question because I don't really think there's a lot of people who coach around like this level of detail and this level of of like where do we really prioritize and how do I get out of the obsession around minute to minute process, create a greater outcome that will we it's going to reshape how you look at all of that minute to minute stuff.

Well, I think that is what I have been missing. That's why I'm saying, like, that is what I like a lot of coaching programs, but missing, it's like, yes, you teach me how to do it, but I need to know where it like outcomes and measurements, because that is what's going to give me clarity to know what steps to move forward. So that's why I've been very strategically waiting in. But I was looking around you and then that's when you start talk about intention and outcome and data and, you know, all the stuff that I'm like, OK, I can vibe with this because this is what I need to really understand. So I know what's working, what's not working, and then evaluate and, you know, do something differently and like, am I doing forty percent of it? Am I doing eighty percent of it? What's the outcome? What's the reason? So that he can give me better clarity instead of just more strategies.

Yep. And here's my experience. I just want to give you some like I want you to have a lot of hope going into this and a lot of excitement going into this, because here's my experience. When we elevate above and we create that level of data where now we know high level outcomes, we know where we're spending our time, you know, it is unlocked creativity. I know that doesn't sound like a direct like straight through like mine. But if you follow the more data we have, the more clarity we have in the present moment. The more clarity we have in the present moment, the more creative we can be and the more we can problem solve. And so for me, the reason that I talk about process, structure, routine and having data around it is because I have this crazy belief that every entrepreneur knows everything they need to solve their own problems. And if we give them the right data and the right system. They will have unlocked creativity that will help them solve those issues. I can feel it with using like just some of the things that you've said in this conversation are a little creative. You're the first woman I've ever heard who says my kids wear the school clothes to bed the night before. I mean, that's a level of intention and creativity I haven't heard. So I know that as you unlock more, you're going to find more solutions here at a higher level that I think are going to really help you.

Thank you for listening to this special presentation of the Momentum podcast, if you're ready to take the next step. We have a very special opportunity for you. Our team has been hard at work putting together a presentation for how you can grow and scale your business predictably without feeling like you have to do it all yourself. Alex is going to be giving this presentation soon. You can register today by going to Charfen dot com forward slash grow to reserve your spot. Now go to forward slash grow.

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