Momentum Podcast: 904

Final Episodes 5 of 6 Self Love Continuum

by Alex Charfen

Episode Description

Join Alex on this episode of Momentum for the Entrepreneurial Personality Type as he unveils his groundbreaking framework for understanding self-love. Drawing from years of personal exploration, Alex shares insights and practical steps to help listeners navigate the complex terrain of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-appreciation. Alex guides listeners on a transformative journey towards true self-love. From the crucial step of self-awareness to the profound impact of prioritizing self-care and positive habits, this episode offers invaluable wisdom and perspective for anyone striving to cultivate a deeper connection with themselves.

Discover the power of embracing your true self and unlocking a life of purpose, fulfillment, and boundless possibility. Join Alex as he unravels the mysteries of the self-love continuum and empowers listeners to embark on their own journey of growth and healing.

Full Audio Transcript

Thank You For Listening!

This is the Momentum podcast.

Welcome to episode five of six of the last episodes of the momentum podcast. And today I'm going to do something completely different and share with you part of the reason maybe part of the inspiration for closing our company over the course of the past, maybe a year and a half or two years, I've been working on a framework called, right now, the draft name is the Self Love Continuum. Don't dismiss this because it says self love. It's actually a continuum of how, as entrepreneurial personality types, as humans, we evolve and move from places of self judgment and self criticism and self loathing, self disgust, to places of self awareness, self acceptance, self appreciation, and even self love. This has confused me for most of my life. Every time a speaker got on stage and said, all you have to do is love yourself more. I would want to say all you have to do is F yourself more because I don't understand what you're saying. Self love was a nebulous, ambiguous, difficult concept for me to understand. And the type of person I am is that when something's challenging or frustrating or is creating static or resistance in my life, I go on a deep dive. And that's what I've done with this continuum, with this framework. It's been a two year deep dive. It's been a mission in understanding how we evolve as human beings. It's been a mission in understanding how do we actually achieve self love? How do we achieve self transformation or just transformation? And how do we achieve transformation and self love on a consistent basis? Now, I want you to know something. I don't think anyone of us is going to live in self love permanently all day every day. But I think that if you follow this framework and you understand the self love continuum, you can get to the point where you're spending most of your time in self awareness or self acceptance or self appreciation and yes, even self love. And this is not just a framework of understanding how to care about yourself more and how to love yourself more. It's actually a framework understanding how you can create consistent transformation in your life. consistent behavioral change. And when you do, you will change everything. Now, I alluded to this earlier. Part of the reason that we are shutting the company down is because as I worked on this framework, I realized I wasn't taking the action. I wasn't creating the behaviors that would make me show up in the way that I wanted to in this company. And when I really spent some time with it and got real about what was going on, I realized it was because I don't want to be doing what I'm doing anymore. And I needed to take myself out in order to go in the direction that I really wanted to go. So I'm excited for you to see this. It's a presentation that I did at the last event we're ever going to hold for this company. And you will hear some Q& A afterwards from some of the members and attendees. And then the presentation will end. And I am hoping it will help you. understand yourself better, see some opportunity in what you're doing on a day to day basis, and understand how transformation is a place that we can actually move ourselves towards and be in far more often than we understand. And we can change our lives. We can change our behaviors. We can love ourselves more and we can create the life we want if we follow this framework. I know I am, I know it's changed my life. I know it's changed the lives of the people that I've shown it and I'm excited for you to see it now. The manifesto is going to play and then afterwards it's going to go straight into the presentation. I appreciate you being here for my penultimate podcast. They always say that in f1. It's like The second or the second to last and so this is five of six I'll see you on the next episode and I hope you enjoy the self love continuum

I'm Alex Charfen, and this is the Momentum Podcast made for empire builders, game changers, trailblazers, shot takers, record breakers, world makers, and creators of all kinds. Those among us who can't turn it off and don't know why anyone would want to. We challenge complacency, destroy apathy, and we are obsessed with creating momentum so we can roll over bureaucracy and make our greatest contribution. Sure, we pay attention to their rules, but only so We can bend them, break them, then rewrite them around our own will. We don't accept our destiny, we define it. We don't understand defeat because you only lose if you stop and we don't know how. While the rest of the world strives for average and clings desperately to the status quo, We are the minority, the few, who are willing to hallucinate there could be a better future. And instead of just daydreaming of what could be, we endure the vulnerability and exposure it takes to make it real. We are the evolutionary hunters, clearly the most important people in the world because entrepreneurs are the only source of consistent positive human evolution, and we always will be.

I want to share a new body of content with everybody today. And this is like brand new. But I've been working on this framework now for several years in one iteration or another. And I finally feel like it's in a place where I can talk about it and share it and share it with a group. And so I'm going to use my iPad here. First I want to ask a question. I can see all of you. How many of you have had an experience similar to mine? I think for Cadey and I, it was probably six or seven years ago, we were at an event and there was this speaker who started a discussion around self love. How many of you have heard like a self-love speaker? And the first statement he made when he got on the stage was, all of you are having all this trouble getting stuff done. And, I just want you to know the solution is all you need to do is love yourself. And I remember wanting to say dude, F yourself, because I have no idea what that means. And it really created a visceral reaction for me. What does he even mean by self love? I don't understand. It was confusing and frustrating. And I remember watching this speaker continue to talk about how he had reached like this Valhalla just by loving himself all the time and he could stay in this state of self love all the time. And I had a really hard time believing that it frustrated me the way that you shared it. And so it created this obsession and for those of you who don't know me personally, I'm like, I think obsessed is probably like one of the three words you would use to describe me. When something bothers me or challenges me, it becomes a rabbit hole that I just can't get out of. So for years, I've been looking into this Like concept of self love and everything that I've seen is felt inadequate. It hasn't felt like it actually explains how you get here. And so I obsess over frameworks. I obsess over systems. Like how do I get to self love? And so what I started putting together was a guide for myself. Like when you look at the simple operation system, that was a guide for myself. I obsess about water. So we have the 10 Day Natural Thirst challenge. That was a guide for myself. I, One of those people that if something bothers me, I can't let it go. And I just go deep on obsession until I figure it out. And I think at this point, I've actually created a framework that can explain some of this self love. And how do we get to self love?

See, I think the first step in self love is self acceptance. And for so many of us, self acceptance is something that's difficult, especially those of us who experienced trauma around who we are. How many of you know that you have childhood trauma, or let's be honest, adulthood trauma around who you are and around how you are and being judged and not being seen and not being heard. Self acceptance is actually a huge step for a lot of us. And I think what comes right after self accept or self whoops, not self acceptance, sorry, new framework, I put the wrong word here, self awareness. So step one is just being aware of ourselves, being aware of what's going on for a set step to when we have self awareness, we can start to create self acceptance and self awareness is understanding why we're doing things, understanding why we have the habits we have, understanding why we have the triggers and the and why we show up like we do. And then self acceptance is accepting those things so that we understand who we are. We know why we're doing those things. And when we get past self acceptance. We can get to self appreciation. And by the way, I'm going to give you the steps to get here. You don't just climb this ladder automatically. This is something that's purposeful. Because if we can get, go through self awareness, self acceptance and self appreciation, my theory is that's where we get to self love. You don't just step into self love and then have it be there all of the time. And on the bottom side of this framework is where I think most of us live. If I'm candid and honest and transparent, I think most of my life as an entrepreneur, I spent in a place of self judgment. That first step up is self awareness, but the first step down is self judgment. How many of you know that there are times, let's be honest, in every day where self judgment comes up for you? And you think to yourself, like, why did I do that? And why did this come up? And why did this happen? And self judgment slows us down and it helps, it has us like looking at ourselves in a way that is not positive. And when we get through self judgment, if things get challenging, if pressure and noise is high enough, if you don't have the right systems in your life, that self judgment leads to self criticism. And self criticism is that nagging voice that tells us over and over again that we're not doing the right thing. And if we have self criticism for enough time, we get to this place that is really uncomfortable of self disgust. And self disgust is right before what I would call self loathing or hatred.

If it makes you uncomfortable to see those bottom ones, it makes me uncomfortable too. Because here's what I know about a lot of my life, is that I was in self judgment because I had negative feelings about myself, and those negative feelings about myself came from other peoples. Imprints from conditioning from trauma from the pain that I felt when I was a kid from the pain that I felt when I was an adult. Those negative feelings led to me having negative habits and at times in my life the negative habits were things like smoking, overeating, under eating, drinking. I've tried out all the negative habits. I didn't want to leave any stone unturned. And those negative habits led to what I call negative loops and spirals. Because if you have a habit for long enough, it becomes a loop. And if it stays there for long enough, you start to spiral. And for me, when I look back at my 20s, I ran a company that was fueled by self judgment. And a lot of the decisions I made were because I was in self criticism and a lot of the stuff that I did, it was because I was in self disgust and I could get to this place of self loathing and self hatred. And this is where we get to high risk activities. And when I look back at myself in my twenties, I was running a successful company. But I was all the time engaged in high risk activities. I was going out and drinking and doing things that were really unsafe. And as human beings, we don't do things that are unsafe unless we're in a place where we are not really understanding who we are and we're not caring about who we are.

And so this spiral downwards is matched by a spiral upwards. See, self awareness is created by positive Choices and feelings and positive choices are things like time in neutral or drinking water or having the right systems in your life or putting the person or the personal operating system into your life or creating a breath work practice or a morning routine. These are all positive choices and what happens and this is interesting. When we create self awareness around where we need help and then we start making positive choices. Those positive choices lead us to self acceptance and self acceptance. Leads to positive habits. And so a positive choice is I'm going to hydrate today, or I'm going to meditate today. A positive habit is I'm going to do it over and over again, because I can see that this is making a change in my life and self appreciation comes from consistent habits. See, what I didn't know when that speaker was on stage was that there's actually a path to get here. There's a clear structure that you can follow to go from being on the bottom of this graph to ascending through the top. When you have consistent habits, what happens is consistent habits create transformation. And transformation is the path to self love. Because every one of us has issues and conditions and challenges in our life that need to be transmuted, transformed, and transcended so we can become the people that we want to be. And what I realized when I was putting this together is that when we create self awareness and we create positive choices, we start to prioritize ourselves. And when we create self judgment and negative feelings, we deprioritize ourselves.

And in the entrepreneurial world, what's interesting is we reward depriorizing, deprioritizing yourself. We actually give accolades to people who deprioritize themselves. When somebody works all night, we're like, Yes, pulled an all-nighter. You crushed it. Really, you deprioritized yourself. When somebody says, I've been working 20 hour days to be able to launch this product, and I did it for six weeks. We cheer them on, but what we don't really recognize and realize in the moment is that is a deprioritization of self. That is success through self destruction. And what happens when we deprioritize ourselves is that there's a cascade. When we deprioritize ourselves, we reinforce negative patterns. And we negative, we reinforce the self critic. And when we reinforce self criticism, we move down this to what I would call Self abuse and punishment. And here's what's interesting. Self abuse and punishment can often look like you're trying to be healthy. It's hard for me to admit, but I've been a bodybuilder for most of my life, and there were times where I looked and appeared extraordinarily healthy, but what I was doing was self abuse. I would go into the gym, I'd be there for three hours, I would work out until I threw up, I would work out until it was hard to walk out of the car, out of the gym, I would walk in and identify whenever I worked in a pub, worked out in a public gym, I would identify the person that looked better than me, and then use them to beat myself up the entire time I was working out. And The workouts were abusive. The workouts were punishment. I didn't realize it, but I was in this place of self disgust. And so it looked like I was creating health. It looked like I was doing the right thing. But what I was really doing was a one person fight in the gym, and I was going to lose. And when I got to that place of self abuse and punishment, the next step was dissociation from self. And when I was disassociated from myself, it made everything a lot easier to get worse. And that disassociation made it in my 20s, I ran a company that grew to 250 million, over 250 million in sales. We had a team of tons of people out in Latin America and the U. S. We were a multi million dollar organization, and when I met Cadey, I tore it apart as fast as I could. Because I built a company in a state of disassociation, and when I finally re-associated and understood where I was, I looked around, and I wanted nothing to do with it.

And today I think there's far too many entrepreneurs that get into this place where we're building and building and then we look up one day and we realize we built something we don't really want. We built ourselves a trap. I was talking to a friend of mine who has a really large team, about 110 people. And when he built his offices, he built his office in the middle of everybody else's office, and it has all glass walls. So he's literally the fishbowl in the middle. And I asked him, why did you do that? And he said when I first started this company, I wanted everybody to see that I was there first and I was there last. And I said, I'm like, I don't think you built an office. And he's what do you mean? I said, you built a jail. That's a prison. Like you are now in a place where you feel like you have to be there first, be there last, you've given up your freedom, you are the person who literally you feel like you're the cog in the wheel that's going to get everybody into that office. And when I look at that's depriority, that's deprioritizing ourselves. That's reinforcing negative patterns, that process of running a 10 plus million dollar company and still having me the first one in and first one out. That's self abuse and punishment and the way that you get there, the way that you end up in that office, the way that you end up stuck in the, in between everybody with them telling you, them using you as a cue, what to do is by completely disassociating. I don't want anybody who I ever work with to get into the place where I've been and so many of my members and clients have been where we are building out of a state of. scarcity, and we're building out of a state of not really associating with ourselves. Because as we go up this ladder, when we prioritize ourselves, and we have self acceptance, this is where we step into self care. So first we create a priority, and then we start actually taking care of ourselves. And once we start taking care of ourselves, what I see all the time, God, my, one of my favorite stories is some of Cosmo Khosravi, he was in our membership. Cosmo is a really intense entrepreneur. He runs a company called Cosmos Q. He is the seven time world championship barbecue pit master. I didn't even know there were competitions for this. There's actually competitions with six figure prizes and Cosmos won them. And he runs a company where they distribute barbecue supplies and stuff and rubs and herbs and injections. I didn't even know you could do that much stuff to me until I met Cosmo. And he was in a place where he was running his company on the bottom half of this chart. It was struggling. His health was waning. He was having a really hard time with stuff. Siavashi started to have some symptoms of panic attacks. And We were in a Grow and Scale meeting here probably three years ago at my house and Cosmo asked me to sit down with him for a minute and he said, Alex, you know my business and he had started with us at two or three million. He was at seven or eight million. He said, okay, Alex, you know my business. You've seen the org chart. We've been through all this stuff. What do you think I need to do next? What do I need to change? How do I make it grow? And I think it was just the moment I said, Cosmo, you got to work on yourself. And he looked at me like I had two heads and he's what do you mean? And I said, if you work on yourself and you get grounded and you process some of the trauma you've been through, then you're going to grow this business in a way that's a lot more natural and a lot more exciting for you. And he's Alex, I don't know what you mean by process trauma. And I, and Cosmo, when he was a kid had a burn over, I think 40 percent of his lower body and was in a burn ward for, I think, over a year. And because his family had other things going on, they had other kids, he got visited by them once every few weeks. And he was telling me he doesn't have trauma or anything to process. And so I pointed that out to him and said, I think you probably have some abandonment issues. You probably have some issues around being seen and heard. You probably have some metaprograms, some conditioning that are driving you to grow this business in a way that you might not like if you don't process some of this. And it's really interesting. He asked me how to do it and I said, I suggested that he do EMDR, he started doing EMDR and not only did he start taking care of himself, I'm getting some messages and stuff from Cosmo now, we're still friends, and he's optimizing. He's asking me about PMF, he's asking me about the sauna, he's asking me about like ice baths, he's gone from really deprioritizing himself to now self optimization and what happens when we get to this place is where we create true connection with self. And true connection with who we are. And when you're in this place of true connection, when you're in a place of actually understanding who you are, this is where you start to build and you start to move in a direction where you're actually getting what you want out of life.

Because when we have self awareness and we have positive choices and we prioritize ourselves, we make the declaration that we are important. And when we move past, I'm just important. We get to, I am worth. investment of time and energy. And when we get past time and energy, we get to, I am my priority. There's only one of you and you are the most important person in your life. When we get to the place where we are, I priority, our priority, we can ascend to this level of self love of transformation of two true connections. And we can finally get to the place where I love myself. And I'll share candidly with all of you for me, I don't walk around in a place of self love. I don't want to give you an unrealistic expectation because here's what's more common for me. I have an issue that comes up and it makes me feel like I'm wrong or bad. And typically that issue, if I'm feeling that way, it's triggering something from my childhood. It's triggering a wound, a core wound that I have something that's already come up for me in the past. And I'm back in this conditioning and triggering and this I am wrong or bad starts making me feel like I am broken. The reason that the entrepreneurial personality type book ends with the statement, there is nothing wrong with you and you're not alone. It's because I believe most of us as entrepreneurial personality types can go from, I am important to, I am bad, I am broken. And then the next one, I don't matter pretty quickly. And when we get to, to, I don't matter, the next one is. I don't like myself. Or, if it's a bad reaction, I hate myself.

Just with a show of hands, how many of you know that if there's pressure and noise in your life, and the wrong condition happens, and there's a trigger present, you can very rapidly go right down this thought process of, I'm wrong, I'm broken, I don't matter, and I don't like myself or I hate myself. How many of… John, thanks for being so enthusiastic. I know that I can. I know that I can actually live in this bottom half of this chart and not even know it. And I know that I've lived years there. I know that I've lived for a lot of my life there. And through getting the right information in my life, and for getting the right habits in my life, things have changed. Because the way that you go up this continuum, and you get to I love myself, is by having self care. process, structure, and routine. Because you can't create consistent habits. You can have positive habits, you can do them every once in a while, but consistency requires that you have process, structure, and routine.

And that's it. When I put this framework together and finally understood it, it gave me insight into why I'm so obsessed with process, structure, and routine, because I don't think you get there outside of creating process, structure, and routine. I don't think you get there outside of actually having systems in your life that protect you from going in this direction, because the way that you go this way is through trauma. And when we don't have process, structure, and routine in our lives as entrepreneurs, I would present that our life can actually become traumatic. How many of you would agree that there's been periods of time in your life as an adult where you are taking on trauma due to lack of process, lack of structure, lack of routine. And if we get into this place where we're taking on trauma, we go down the bottom half of this quickly. And so for me today, what this has shown me is that If I put time into creating positive choices, then things will move in the right direction. If I take those positive choices and I turn them into habits, then I get to consistent habits and I can be in a place where I can transform and transmute the trauma, the feelings, the challenges that I've had in the past. And this is why we do everything we do as a company. If you really look at what we do as an organization, we focus on three areas of your life. Your relationship with yourself, that's the personal operating system. Your relationship with your spouse or the other people in your life, that's the relationship operating system. And then your relationship and the systems and process and structure in the business, that's the simple operation system. And part of my obsession with process and structure and making sure that this stuff is in place, is that it protects us in this continuum so that we stay on the top half of this. And even though, and I want to tell you where I am now, the resolved state of this, like I said, I don't walk around in self love all the time. I think sometimes people say that maybe you're in a little bit of a state of delusion because human beings don't just stay in one state. But here's what I know about myself. I get into this place of self love sometimes several times a day now. And I stay in a place of self awareness almost all the time. And there are days where I'm in self appreciation and self acceptance most of the day. And I have contrast now because at 51 years old with the work that I've done and the trauma therapy that I've done and the psychedelic therapy that I've done and all of the offloading and understanding of my history that I've done It's rare for me to get into self judgment or self criticism and getting into self disgust and self loathing is really hard for me. But here's what is important. I now understand when I'm there. I have contrast because I spend so much time in self awareness and self acceptance and self appreciation that when those self judgment feelings come up, when I'm deprioritizing myself, when I'm having negative feelings, when I see a negative habit or a compulsion come up, it's a gift. I'll share very candidly, I'm like many entrepreneurs, I've dealt with addiction with compulsion with all types of things throughout my life. And over the course of the past 51 years, I've cleared out almost everything. Until this last year, I was dealing with the last big compulsion that I had, and a friend of mine, left me a message and said, Hey, I want you to look at this differently. What is the gift in this compulsive behavior? What is a gift in this addictive behavior? What's in the gift like this disassociation that you're trying to create? And I remember her, like hearing the message and Being so angry. Don't tell me this is a gift. Don't tell me this is good. Like it takes me down this chart. It's like compulsive behavior is totally challenging for me. But then I just kept thinking about it and Kept meditating on it. And here's what I found. This Condition has now become a signal for me. When I get into a place of self judgment When I hear in my head that there's self critical thoughts, when I hear that there's self disgust, where I'm abusing myself, or I'm saying mean things to myself, I know it's a signal that I don't care enough about where I'm going, or I'm not clear enough about what's next. I'm not in momentum and moving forward. And so anytime I start feeling anything on the bottom of this chart, I start looking at how do I get out of the bottom of this chart through positive choices, Positive habits, creating consistency, and then getting to transformation.

And I think what happens in the personal development world is that we're often told we can go from somewhere in here, wait, I want to use a different color, especially during a sales process, we're often told we can go from somewhere in here, change color, somewhere in here, To hear just by buying a product or by being in an event or by listening to someone. I think that's unrealistic. I've spent a lot of time with this. And the reality that I've come to understand is that if we want to go from the bottom of this chart to the top, this is actually a process that takes time. This is a process of putting self-care and process and structure and routine in place. It's a process of staying in positive choices and feelings. It's the process of creating positive habits, making them consistent, and then we create the transformation that we're all looking for. And if any of you have ever been to the event where it was supposed to create transformation in the moment, and you felt like it did, but it didn't. It's because we didn't put the structure in place. The personal development world is full of theories and concepts and information, but so rarely are there actual step by step practices that take you from where you are to where you want to go. And when you look at our content and how we teach as a company and what we do at Simple Operations and what we do in all those different systems that I talked to you about, it's right here. It's creating the positive choices, the positive habits, the positive feelings that create that transformation and move you into a place where you can, in some time of the day, and in some time of your life, feel self love. And this framework helped me understand where, if I'm in a place where I'm hearing those critical voices, That this is where I need to focus on and this is where I need to put my time and energy.

So are there any questions or comments? Let's hear Tessa. That was deep. That was really good, Alex. I really appreciated it. Cause I, I don't feel like I had a lot of. trauma as a kid as much as I had as an adult. And so I don't feel like I go to the self loathing very much at all. I feel like I know my worth. But I've also heard so many times words that people say and that, It's not in my conscious, but it's in my subconscious. So I've worked hard to do the EMDR and trauma therapy. And I feel like that's so much better, but going through the actual steps to get to that self love is amazing. I love it. Absolutely. Love this. I actually marked it down as the time that you started so that I can go back and watch the recording again. Oh, thank you, Tessa. That means so much to me coming from you. Really? Thank you. Wow. That's awesome. Who else? Who else has a comment? And if you want to just jump in with Tessa and make positive comments, I'm totally cool with that, too, since this is brand new and a little vulnerable, but thank you, Tessa.

Who else has a comment or an insight or a question? Let's hear it, Siavash. Okay. I think that's really good to know, I think I keep going to the self judgment because I remember the previous summit you talk about this running away from has been a force for me for so long, for, from the pain and all for all this stuff. Now I have, I'm in this space that there's no more running . I think so. I'm just, I suppose to. As you said, supposed to go look forward toward a success. I got to run toward success before I was running away from it, from the, all the pain. So I keep going to this self judgment and, yeah, it was good that you said self awareness knowing what you're doing right now, why you're doing it. So that was really good. I'm scattered all over the place here. It makes a lot of sense. The framework that you have here, it makes a lot of sense to me how I go down and I go up it's just, but yeah, sorry, I can't articulate exactly how I feel, but you're doing Siavash. But yeah, this confuses you. I don't know exactly what I am, what I want. I used to know exactly what I want. I wanted to be a world champion bodybuilder, but now I don't, I'm becoming now even people are looking at me differently. Before I was an underdog, I was like everybody. Now I'm looking like a boss. It's just so confusing to be where I'm at. But this framework is really helpful. I told Michelle to write it down. Look at it, where I'm at, when it is happening. Thanks Siavash. Yeah, it's interesting doing what you do Siavash, because I see you do this with people at Sixpack all the time. What Sixpack Jim brings in is people who in a lot of cases are here. You can tell because their body shows it, when somebody weighs three or four hundred pounds, they're in a place of not feeling very positive about themselves, and I know we're in a space and time where like body positivity, like it's okay, and we want to make them feel like they're okay. But I've been three hundred pounds, and I know that the way I got there was because I really wasn't connected to myself, and I was abusing myself, like when I met Cadey, I was at my absolute heaviest and I was literally dying. I had a doctor tell me that I was his most likely case for a heart attack. And I was 30 and we were in South Florida and a lot of his patients were older, but I was still his most likely case of a heart attack. And it's because For so long I had been here, that I had negative feelings, I had negative habits, I wasn't eating right, I was drinking too much, I was not taking care of myself, and I lived and made decisions from here. I feel so fortunate, that I met Cadey, in a place where I was feeling good, and I was, in a good place and I was in a positive place and our relationship worked out because I met her in a fog of all of this and meeting her moved me into a place where hey, I need to start making some positive choices. I was 300 pounds. I was running a company I hated. I was traveling 80 percent of the time. I was exhausted 100 percent of the time. I was sick all the time. I met Cadey and I decided I'm selling the company and I'm getting in shape and I'm going to change everything. And I've created some positive choices. And within about six months, I'd lost, I think, close to 80 pounds or 70 or 80 pounds. And I made those choices. consistent and they created consistent habits and consistency in what I was doing. And I dropped a ton of weight and our relationship got better. We quit drinking alcohol together, which was huge because we were really good at doing it together. It's much better that we weren't. We were an incredible drinking team and it was great that we retired because when we created those consistent habits, it created this massive transformation and the transformation was one of. us both getting to a place where we could hold space in a relationship for the two of us so that we could continue to grow and continue to move things forward. This is the reason that I built the 10 Day Natural Thirst challenge. I know that sounds crazy. I know it totally sounds crazy. But when I first put this together and I was actually sharing it with John, I was taking John through it because I wanted him to tell me if I was crazy because sometimes I put together frameworks and nobody understands. And not so much anymore. These days they're usually pretty good on, but I was sharing it with John and I was looking at it and I'm like, John, I think this is why I intuitively built the 10 Day Natural Thirst challenge. He's what do you mean? I'm like look, if somebody makes the decision to drink more water. We get them into a really simple positive choice. I'm going to drink more water. And if we can get them to do it for 10 days and they follow our process, we get them into a positive habit. And so many people that have taken that program have told me, I did it for 10 days, I'm just going to keep doing it forever. And that's consistent habits. And, I can't tell you how many times since we released the 10 Day Natural Thirst challenge, I think in sometime in 2004 or 2005, it's been in like five different iterations or maybe 10 different iterations but I can't tell you how many times I've been in an event or I've been on a group call like this, or we've been somewhere where someone comes up to me and says, Hey, I just want you to know I took your 10 Day Natural Thirst challenge and it changed my life. Cadey's watching this. It's like the weirdest thing whenever it's the water thing and people are like, it changed my life. And I always inquire. I'm like, really? So tell me, how did the 10 day natural challenge change your life? And they'll say things like I wasn't drinking a lot of water. And I didn't feel very good about myself. And I was drinking a lot. And I didn't really have a lot of momentum in my life, because I was beating myself up. Then because I was drinking a lot, things started to fall apart around me. And I got to this place where it was. I didn't know what I was going to do. And I was acting in a way that I didn't really want to act. And then I found this 10 day challenge. And I'm like, okay, I'll try it for 10 days. And I remember within the first few days, I had a headache. That's what most people tell us. And then, but by day three or four, I started feeling better about myself. And I was drinking more water and it's so weird, Alex, I actually wanted more greens and healthier food and I didn't want to eat the stuff that I was eating. I was driving past McDonald's and going to the place that sells salads. And because I was drinking more water, I felt like I was in my body more. So I started doing some meditation. I went to yoga, started working out. And I took your program two years ago and I've lost 40 pounds. My business has doubled and my relationship with my wife is better than it's ever been. And they attribute it all to drinking water.

One of the things I often share with entrepreneurs is that momentum anywhere in your life will create momentum everywhere in your life. If you let it. And so many of us, we feel like the way to go from here, from these high risk activities to going up here is like some extreme event. Here's what I see entrepreneurs do all the time. Like they know they're somewhere in this bottom half of this chart. And so they're going to fix it all at once and right away. And this doesn't happen so much in our membership anymore because we talk about it openly. But in the past, we would talk to people about Hey, let's move in the right direction. Let's get into momentum. Let's change your life. Let's change your body. Let's optimize. And I would have people come to an event and say, Alex, I'm doing it. I'm going to create the habits and I'm going to move in the right direction. I'm like, great. What are you doing? I'm running a marathon. Awesome. Where are you running it? San Francisco. Hey, when are you running it? Six weeks from now, this is. I'm making a joke because this is actually a conversation I had with Cadey at one point. She was gonna get in shape and she came to me and she's like I'm running the San Francisco marathon and I think it was seven weeks away and at the time I was running marathons and I'm like Cadey, San Francisco is the hardest marathon in the world. People break their hips, people break their femurs, people like there's all kinds of stuff like you can't just go cold into the San Francisco marathon. And one of the reasons is that we want to get to this transformation level as fast as we can. And we skip all the steps in between because if you want to run a marathon and you're down here and you think the marathon is going to help, then start practicing running and run a few miles in a week, and then get to the place where you're doing it over and over again. And you're now running a couple miles in a day. And then create consistency to where you're running six, seven miles a few times a week, and maybe 11 or 12 miles once or twice a month. And then once you're at the point where you're doing once 11 or 12 miles, you get up to 16 or 18 on a run, you can finish the marathon, and then you go run the marathon. And if you go through the steps. And you allow the change in your mentality, you allow the change in your reality, that marathon is actually transformational, not the opposite. Because what so many of us do is we're in a place where we're on the bottom half of this chart. And so many of us get to a place where we know we're here intuitively or unintuitively, we know it consciously or subconsciously. And instead of moving up the chart, we know that we're having negative feelings. And we say, okay. There's some negative feelings here. I'm going to run a marathon and kick my ass with it for the next six weeks. And then I'm going to go into this marathon and I'm going to kick my ass for four or five hours while I run it. And then at the end of it, I'm going to have accomplished a thorough ass kicking on myself. This isn't how we think about it, but this is the reality and that will make me feel better. Running a marathon, running the San Francisco marathon eight weeks from now is a high risk activity. And so often, the high risk activities we engage in look like we're moving in a positive direction. The way that we really determine this is we ask ourselves, Are we making the right choices? Are we creating habits? Are we creating consistency? Because when we're in a place of consistency, we are always knocking on the door of transformation.

Is there any other, oh man, the chat lit up and I didn't see it. Was there any questions there, Eddie?

None in the chat. Okay.

I've got a comment really quick.

Let's hear it, John.

I think it's really interesting to look at this on a micro level and a macro level. Cause I have an example just this morning where I was like, I went from, just waking up and being happy. I went to self judgment and self criticism really quick, just from something that happened. But then once I brought self awareness to it, I was able to take action on it. It was just something. Small that happened with my wife and I was like, Oh, wow. I was being this way and then judging myself for it. And then I sent her a text and then we came back together and connected. And so it was it's really easy to like fluctuate between these things really quickly on a micro level. But then the macro level is like, where are behavior patterns are and things like that. And I just thought that was an interesting point of reference because it happened to me this morning. I was like, oh shit, I just went through that. Yeah, I think you can really apply this in, in a bunch of different scenarios.

Thanks, John. I think it's important for us to understand that, it's part of the reason I'm suspect of people who say that they walk around in self love all the time. Maybe like Eckhart Tolle does it or like Carolyn Mist or one of these people who is totally different from the rest of us. But I don't know, like I, I think that part of the human condition is understanding this and recognizing when we slip into self judgment and self criticism. Just like John did this morning. It happened to me yesterday. I was getting ready for Girl on Scale and Kennedy, my 14 year old, came in. I didn't really have a lot of attention to give her and I was short with her. And then I was short with her, and Cadey told me I was short with her, that she had said something, then I was having negative feelings about myself, then I'm going in to grow and scale, and I'm like, oh crap, I messed this up with Kennedy, and Johnna did the same thing, I just was like, okay, wait, let me fix it. I texted her an apology, and said hey Kennedy, sorry I didn't connect with you this morning, I love you, I was really getting ready for the event, and that got, that was a positive choice. Move me right back up over the line. So thanks for sharing, John. Rosalie, your comment here is really insightful. You said I really resonate with this and can see my own growth through it. I'm proud that I'm mostly above the middle line. I have lots of self care structure and routine in my life, which definitely has led me to positive transformation. Where my mind goes is how can I help my team find this? Rosalie, I think sharing a framework with your team like this is incredibly effective. And, I'm happy to have you share the video with them. But when you look at the system that does this for us personally, how many of you are in the Momentum Planner system or using the Momentum Planner system? Okay, I know my team is. Okay, if you're not, I suggest you take a look at it. Because That system is literally the framework that will force you through this. It will actually have you tear down belief systems and create what are those positive choices, positive habits and consistent habits you should have for transformation. And just so everybody understands, that momentum planner system is something I've been obsessed with since 2008, nine or 10 or something like that. It's been a long time. And at one point, I hired a neuroscientist. name, Robert Cooper, who's written seven or eight different books on neuroscience and performance, and we worked together for a year on the momentum planner system. And we used his grad students in the college that he teaches to prove out the entire system. And the question we were asking of neuroscience students and one of the top neuroscientists in the world was how long will the entire system affect neurology? How will the entire system affect parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system response? What is in this system that could potentially trigger someone and take them in the wrong direction? And so we put a massive amount of intention into the personal operating system and the momentum planner. And so Rosalie, if you want to roll that out to your team, reach out to my team. We've had a lot of companies who've done that. And everyone on our team uses it. And when you put people in a system like that, where it's understanding what you want, creating the system and structure to get there and then daily execution, this is how you share with your team, how to get moved, how they can move forward.

Daniel, thank you for your comment. I appreciate it. Tessa says shows how powerful Cadey is. What a great influence. Yeah, Cadey changed my entire life and continues to she's like my favorite subject, my favorite person in the world. And my goal in life is to help a bunch of people and spend as much time as I can with Cadey. And that's how it was literally since the first few hours I met her. We met at a restaurant in Tampa and we were together for probably two, three, three and a half, maybe four hours that night. And when she left, I called my mom and told her that I had met the person I was going to marry. And about eight weeks later, when Cadey came out to Fort Lauderdale to visit me, I proposed to her on the first night we were together, which might sound crazy, but it's even crazier. She said, yes. So we had this secret engagement for the first couple of years we were together that nobody else knew about until. We actually had a formal engagement. And yeah, she changed everything. John says we still get emails inconsistently from people who went through the water challenge. It's great. We like it all the time, and it's unsolicited people write in and they tell us stories like the story I just shared with you, see here, Daniel has pointed out a really challenging marathon. Oh, this is so good. Lauren, when I'm in the bottom state, I think people are feeling, wait, can you, Lauren, can you unmute and share with me, I think you missed a word there or something, I want to understand it.

Yeah, can you hear me? Sorry, I was eating my dinner.

No, no worries. I know there's totally a different time zone for you. Thanks for being here.

Yeah, so basically it's super interesting because for example, like with Daniel or Nor, sometimes I'm like, why are they being so blunt with me? Or like, why are they so angry right now? And it's just because I'm reading how they said it in that way. Cause I'm like in a really negative mood and you wouldn't think that I was in a negative mood from talking to me, but maybe I'm just like rushing around and I get in this state quite often where I'm like, really just frustrated and I'm like, Oh, and like nothing is moving fast enough for me. And I'm feeling all stuck. And that's when I'm like having this thought that other people are, being a certain way when it's literally just my perception of it. And it's like my projection on them that they're being like that when they're not. Yeah. I always think the team hates me or they're going to leave and like I'm being mean or something. And yeah, so yeah, Noor just said it, that is pretty interesting. And I probably notice it the most with Nor and Daniel. Because they're the people that I speak to the most. And then I'm like, oh my god, why is Noor not replying to me and with heart emojis and stuff. She must be so upset with me or something. So it's interesting.

Lauren, thank you for sharing. What I think you're pointing out is that as we move down this continuum, hypervigilance goes up. Yeah. Like that hyper reactivity, hypervigilance, and the lower we are, the more vigilant we are. Because I know I'm the exact same way. And Cadey can tell you this. Like when I get into these negative feelings and self judgment, self criticism, self disgust, she can say something to me that on any other day would not even matter. And then there's the day where she says it and I'm completely triggered by it and offended by it, and I'm angry with her and I'm angry with the whole world and everybody's attacking me. And like you said, Lauren, it's just my projection of how I'm feeling on the inside. I want to thank everybody for letting me share this with you. Thank you for the comments. Thank you for the feedback. I really appreciate it.

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